ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Still dying that you shit outside
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Text me some of your sweat
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
