I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
