It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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