Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
