I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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