: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
