I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
