cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
