I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
