Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
