Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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