So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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