he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hippo gnu deer
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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