im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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