Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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