You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
