if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
