omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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