You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
