yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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