we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
