You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
