So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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