I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize
