there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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