what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sorry about my life...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
