im six kinds of drunk right now
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
