So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
