Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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