Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
