Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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