no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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