I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
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That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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