my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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