Swine flu. Run for my life!
handjob tips. give me some.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
