So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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