Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
