Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
