When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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