Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
