I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize