Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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