We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
