If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
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Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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