Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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