dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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