I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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