I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
