All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize