I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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