grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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