I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
