whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
