chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have post one night stand depression
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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