I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
