Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
