Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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