No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
