everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
