my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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