he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
