FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
