this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
