on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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