you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
