Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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