bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
