had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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