i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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