His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
