Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
