Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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