my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
