Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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