Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
