Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
