margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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