He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
