i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
