I should be sponsored by Trojan
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
