I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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