Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
