so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
