No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
