I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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